When we got married, we had always envisioned a situation in which at least one of us was working from home. I knew that I was ready to take the plunge, but he wasn’t quite comfortable with the idea. Starting a business is an extremely risky endeavor, and bringing in a business partner is one of the hardest decisions you will make with your business. It can be even harder when that business partner is also your life partner.
We were told countless times that we’d be at each other’s throats working at home together, but we have found the exact opposite to be true. Even as things were going well, I kept asking myself over and over “can spouses work together without killing each other? Is this really possible?”
Our workspace is our living room apartment with desks on opposite sides of the room. This means that we are not only working in close quarters, but we are spending A LOT of time together. Here are some of our best tips for those of you considering going into business with your spouse, or want to know how we make it work.
Set boundaries
Boundaries exist for a reason! We spend a lot of time together and we find that we do most things together. When it’s time to do our work, it’s a whole different story. Since I am the one distributing the work to the group, it often means that it’s up to me to be there to explain an assignment or help with a task if needed. We don’t completely avoid each other while we’re working, but we have set boundaries to make sure things get done.
In order for me to write, I have to work in complete silence. This means no music, background noise, and no interruptions. If he needs clarification or to tell me something, he knows to wait until I’m done typing to get in a word. If I need help with something or just to say hi, I know that I need to wait until he stops his timer to be able to talk. We each work on our own tasks, and we help out each other if we finish early, but we each do our own work even if we may be working for the same client.
Spend time outside of work
When you spend all day at “the office” it can be hard to justify spending even more time together. Even if you are not normally a needy spouse, if you don’t make time for each other outside of work, you may start to resent the other person a little. Here are a few ways we make time for each other outside of work:
Plan a date night every week- It can be an at-home date night or something you leave the house for, but make time to do something special with each other every week.
Eat your meals together- We sit down for lunch and dinner every single day together. This ensures that we get time together each day, even when things get crazy.
Spend quality time with your spouse every day- We like to take walks in our community in the mornings and it’s changed the way we spend time together. This gives us time to just talk with one another without too many distractions.
Go to bed and wake up at the same time- If you are on two different schedules you won’t find much time to spend together. Try your best to at least go to bed and wake up around the same time, even if you get out of bed at different times.
You wouldn’t yell at your boss, so don’t yell at your spouse
You wouldn’t yell at your boss or your coworker if something got messed up, so don’t do it to your spouse. People naturally will make mistakes, and can easily struggle with miscommunication. It’s how you handle these situations that will change your working relationship as well as your marriage. If things get too heated with one another, we make sure to talk it out before heading back to work.
Resentment will kill a good working relationship, and your spouse needs to know that they have someone to talk to. If you have a bad day at work, leave it at your desk when you’re done for the day. By learning to separate your working and personal relationship, you will be able to communicate better and work together better.
Don’t compare workloads and time needed
Sometimes your spouse will have more work than you, and sometimes the roles will be reversed. It will take each of you a different amount of time to accomplish the things you need to get done, and you may have very different tasks to complete. If one of you finishes early, try not to let jealousy get the best of you. If you are the one finishing early, don’t feel guilty if you finish first. Just because you finish early doesn’t mean you didn’t have a hard day of work too.
If you are able to and want to, offer to help with some of their work to help lighten their load. However, remember that this isn’t something you have to do and shouldn’t hold it over their head if you do choose to help.
Treat them as an equal
Your spouse is not only your partner when they are working together with you, but they are equal. Whether you started the company or they did, you are now working together. If you have more experience doing a certain job or task, offer your advice and expertise. Remember that it also goes both ways and that’s a great thing that they can bring to the table.
Use your knowledge to better the business instead of making your spouse feel inadequate. Hear what your spouse has to say and talk about big business decisions together. Remember that they are an equal part of the business, and even if you are assigning tasks or managing them, they bring just as much to the table as you do.
When working with your spouse, the most important thing you can do is work together. Working together might not mean owning a business together, it could just be working in the same room. Be aware of what each of you needs to get work done, and be supportive. The real secret to working with your spouse without killing each other is to put systems in place to make you not want to kill them. If you find problems in working together, identify them and look for ways to mediate these problems early. You’ll have a better working relationship and a better marriage.